This morning I was a proper working mum. You know the type, they look like this:
Skinny decaf soya latte in one hand, kid in the other while also managing to take a urgent phone call and look slightly stressed yet smartly dressed and immaculately groomed.
For a moment I thought - "that's what I look like!". Then I realised what I actually looked like:
There is no picture of me.
It wasn't an artisan coffee, it was a cup of builders tea, most of which was pouring over my hand as I ran from the school gates and up the stairs to the train platform, fumbling with my oyster card. Oh and the urgent call wasn't to close a million pound deal or confirm my latest book tour. I was desperately trying to reserve a toy at the Disney store, having promised it to MissE as a reward before discovering it was out of stock everywhere and selling for a bleeding fortune on Ebay. Oh and I was of course lightly daubed in weatabix, and dressed in knackered leggings and a jacket which was both inappropriate for the ongoing downpour, and missing several buttons. As for the grooming; if a well meaning passer-by had seen only my hair, they could be forgiven for calling the RSPCA to rescue the abused poodle.
No, really, there is no picture of me here.
Instead, I shall try to continue in my deluded belief that this is what I look like...
This Mum still makes time to be pleased about all the interesting things her daughter has been looking up on the internet.
Hold on, is she pleased?
Er, no, no she isn't. But she still has nice hair and make up and a really fancy coffee machine, so it's all good.
This woman is so awesome at the working Mum thing that she doesn't even drink coffee instead she coordinates everyone's outfits with their freshly squeezed juice of the day
The first women just realised that that random kid put super glue on both sides of that phone and she now has to spend all day with her face stuck to her shoulder.
"If you touch the keyboard one more time Isabella-lullabelle, Mummy will have to go on another of her special holidays and it'll be no more organic Quinoa treats for you"
Dad's can join in too. This power couple start the day with a rousing chorus of YMCA
This is exactly how I look when I'm blogging BTW
Oh no this is what I look like *snorts* like any Mum has hair like that! That is the hair you have when you are pregnant. When the baby arrives you tie it in a greasy ponytail for six months then give up and have it cut short.
Still stuck poor love.